I'm out..

Dear blog readers,

I officially do not care of what this post might affect myself in the future but for god sake.. please do not over react when you read this.. I'm fucked up by that already..

And please be aware that I'm typing this in a very frustrating mood.. Forgive my foul language that I might throw upon. Either ways, I sincerely appreciate you all for reading whateva shit I gotta write about my life and spending your time caring on me if you did. I really am thankful for that. =/

I'm beat, tired... Drained.. Moodless.. I break down to tears at random moments when I see something I feel sad on... It's painful.. The heart I mean.. It hurts too much to just forget about it... So much that I just bite myself to rub off some of that heartache through some physical torture...

I considered drugs and smoking.. I'm not lying. Alcohol was once a choice too.. But never did I fell into that hole yet.. Thank you.. Thank you for letting me rely on you guys so I do not need drugs/smoke/alcohol to borrow me a shoulder.. Thank you...

I've thought of suicide.. But never once suicide was a solution... After after we're dead new problems appear and torment us more...

Family... What's the use of family when no one is happy being a family.. What's the use of a building having 4 pillars when only 2 is trying to support this freaking building while the other 2 just SPITS at them!

I'm beat.. I'm seriously.. tired.... I need a break.. A break myself to get a grip..

There're just times where the pain get's so strong you want to just scream the hell out of your lungs.. But you just can't.. Either that it was fear that was sucking up your voice... Or is the pain not strong enough to force it out......

I'm gonna say it here right now.. No more fears of wadeva comments..

I need someone... Someone who I can be true and genuine with... Some one I'm willing to be true and genuine... Someone I WANT TO.... But I guess that me myself isn't trying that hard to get anything......

There are times when know what we should do, and we definitely know whether what we did was wrong or right.. It's just that for the pathetic image we want people to think of us we do it otherway..

I'mma actor in front of people.. WHO ISN'T? I want to keep a reputation. WHO DOESN'T?

Ever thought why?? It because of we ourselves... We WANT to be better than others, We WANT to show that we are superior.. It is we that wishes to feed that deep greedy EGO in us.. AND DON'T BREAKING TELL ME IT'S JUST ME!! YOU KNOW YOURSELF MORE THAN I DO!!

So just go get lost.. I don't want people like you in my life.. People who take advantage of other people when they get more humble and lowly and you just STEP ON THEM and feed more of your inner ego..

It's true.. People change.. Some people became less genuine to themself, some people starts to Idolize or worship some other people and starts acting like them.. Losing their old self.. NO! There's nothing wrong with being your NEW self! It's still YOU! So stop saying that you don't give a damn or is there a problem now! YES IT'S MY PROB!! AND SHUT YOUR TRAP FOR ONCE CAN YOU!?

Urgh.. I don't know if some people might terasa that I'm talking about em.. If yes, Sorry k.. I don't mean anything bad.. Just frustrated, just a blind man swinging his walking stick madly, frustrated and jealous.. jealous of what people can see and what he can't.....

I just feel like quitting you know.. Quitting life.. I don't mind this blog being negative.. It's my hangout spot.. If you're just gonna flame and make the day worse for everyone.. Please.. For the sake of some peace.. Don't ok?

Thanks......

With regards,

Jen Sion

and thank you.. To all the people who had been beside me all along...

I'd wouldn't know where'd I be without you people.. SO yeah..

You have my wishings...Good luck in life...